Stepping Outside

Sometimes it’s so easy to get buried in the overwhelming tedium of life, that I just convince myself that I have no time for the things I want to be doing.

Like writing, for example. This blog was supposed to be my avenue for getting back into a daily writing routine (which all the writers I admire recommend doing) and although it has helped me to write more frequently than I was the last few years… it has hardly become a daily thing.

Life has changed. Again.

I can’t believe it’s been nearly a year since I was a married woman, living with very little personal agency and spiraling into a depression that seemed bottomless.

Labor day of 2014 is when it became clear to me that my marriage could not be saved. Honestly, If I went back in time exactly one year from today and told myself all that was in store -I think the old me would have panicked completely. As it happens, events unfolded and I adapted to my situation with some ugly moments and some epiphanies. I realized in the long run that the abrupt and frightening destruction of everything I had lived for in 8 years of marriage was the best thing that could have happened to me.

Last month, I moved in with my boyfriend.

Still, in my head, I think sometimes that this is nuts and I have no right to be so happy this soon after what seemed catastrophic just a year ago. Losing my marriage felt like getting stabbed in the family, if that could be considered an organ. As a young married couple, we had focused on money problems and living up to his parents expectations. Throughout our “union” I let things slide that I shouldn’t have, and I focused as much of my energy as I could spare on giving my children a stable emotional environment, as well as a home that was comfortable.

All the snarky details aside, when it came tumbling down I was scared to death that my kids were going to end up broken because that crappy illusion I had built for them was being destroyed.

Fast forward to today and my kids are both enrolled in better schools, we live in a more comfortable home, and I’m more successful and fulfilled in my career than I ever have been. It doesn’t hurt that I’ve found someone who not only loves me, but makes me feel like I have a friend and comrade. Even the stupid little errands that both of us hate are fun, because we do them together and he makes me laugh the whole time.

Generally speaking, life is good. Now to get back on the writing track, and finish that novel I started two years ago. It’s crazy how much transformation has occurred since I took on this project and finally made tangible progress. This journal will become my fallback writing jam, and I’ll try to keep it interesting as I go… but writing a novel has been my dream since I was a kid and it’s the next great challenge that I need to complete. Wish me luck, or ask me questions about it -there’s no better motivator.

It’s time to write.

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