I can’t really take credit for that title, since I’ve seen it (or some variation thereof) several times over the last few months -but that doesn’t negate the fact that I’ve been feeling the truth of it since my graduation commencement in May.
Long story short -I have a bachelor’s degree minus the Math 101 credit that I transferred in with. I fought tooth and claw to get credit for that 4 credit core competency course I took ten years ago and after the smoke cleared I knew that I had lost. Instead of teaching this semester, or having some other glorious (to my college-addled mind) graduate assistant position in the Communications department, I will be enrolled in freshman math.
I’ve still managed to get into a few graduate level courses through early enrollment -but this semester is going to feel like some funky combination of heaven and purgatory for me. The whole summer I’ve been scrambling to figure out how to make the extra cash that I was planning on recieving for the assistantship and we’ve been struggling to catch up on our finances after the family vacation we took. It was needed, and the kids got to enjoy a “real” family vacation… So I’ll say I have no regrets.
The truth, however… Is that I feel as if I’m battling my way through an ocean of regret and can’t seem to find a paddle.
Mostly, I regret having made so many choices that led to my current obstacles. I could be so many places right now as a writer, as a student, as a professional or even as a parent -if only I had been more responsible ten years ago or five years ago or fifteen years ago. Honestly, there are too many “would have, could have, should have” scenarios to give any of them more than a passing scowl.
As usual, I will adapt to the mess of options life keeps throwing at me and I will try to make the decisions now that will leave my future self in a better position than I am in today.
I will attempt to shine on, like the crazy Diamond I am.