After the past week or so, I’ve been a little cautious. Things just kept going wrong, for lots of people around me as well, and I felt as if I couldn’t take another bad day.
Then things got better.
I finished a few things on my checklist, I have been a home-repair whirlwind (AC condensation leakage: fixed, channel that didn’t get sound: fixed, toilet not refilling after flushes: fixed) and my FAFSA is completed and off to the interwebs hopefully to return with funding for the rest of my education.
Don’t get me wrong: there are still numerous projects, deadlines, jobs, and to-do list items that need doing. Somehow, though, getting even just a few points scratched off the seemingly endless list has given me a new resolve.
On top of all of that, I’m looking around and I still see tons of people producing and creating things they are (rightly) proud of. I remember that feeling and it occurs to me that life has become somewhat of a chore for me.
Looking around at my home, it is obvious I’ve lost my grasp on what’s important. I’ve been so wrapped up in misery and hopelessness that I’ve fallen into this sort of depression-based routine that keeps me alive and allows me to pass for normal when I’m out.
If I were to allow anyone other than my husband and children to get within arm’s reach of my everyday life, they’d probably notice that I haven’t been doing very well. I’d like to do better…
I’d like to get up in the morning with my husband and children. Maybe then I could make breakfast for them and get showered and dressed. Currently, I zombie-walk around the house in my pajamas until I have to leave to go somewhere. I feel like a morning routine could do a world of good for me, but when I’m coming home and climbing into bed at 3:30 am three or four nights a week… it’s hard to get up and pretend I’ve had a whole night’s sleep three hours later.
Scheduling is one of my challenges at this stage in the game. I’m going to start school this fall, and I’m going to have a schedule again; one that doesn’t revolve around bar time.
Hopefully I’ll be able to balance my glamorous weekend exploits as a mobile DJ with my school responsibilities. Maybe they’ll even meld together eventually and I’ll finally find my niche. Hopefully.