I love autumn. Yes, the weather is getting colder and I’m not going to have much more time for bike rides this year… but I still love it. Some parts of autumn are pure comfort… and others remind me that I will someday become the Crone.
The trip to Florida was awesome even though I wasn’t able to ride some of the roller coasters.
We were so excited to ride the biggest ones, but my trunk junk got in the way. I know I’m not petite, ok? But I have given birth to two children and dammit I’m voluptuous! Now my squishy top half would have been fine smooshed under that huge shoulder architecture to keep me from tumbling out of the seat upside down. I was tall enough and plenty of people heavier than me were getting on board… but inside my hips there’s this thing called a “pelvis” and it just doesn’t budge when you try to squeeze it into the seat guards the keep your butt from sliding out sideways or something. Good thing for us they have these “sample” seats you can try out before you stand in line for a 20-60 minute wait. Friends have reported not fitting into the upper portion of the safety equipment due to having manly barrel chests.
The thing that really got to me, though, was that more than half of the roller coasters we were intent on riding were incompatible with my ass. That really hurt! Universal Studios was an amazing park and the Halloween Horror Nights was a spectacular experience… but I wanted to ride some coasters there, and my body shape prevented it. I’m not morbidly obese… Nor are my hips the size of a volkswagen (oh god, maybe I’m just in denial) but I seriously felt like jumping onto the set of the first Jerry Springer show I could find. Then I felt kind of… disoriented. I went through pretty much all the stages of mourning with each sweet ride that we walked away from in the muggy heat of Florida. Double Dragons? Nope. Rock-It? Nope. The Hulk? Not a chance.
At least I got to see this live girl writhing in a glass box filled with rats. Thought I was joking? Muaha.
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