I finally got the horrendous fake nails off last night. For a good friend’s wedding I went out and spent $40 on gel nails, which look slightly less fake than acrylics -but not really enough to matter. They were nice for a time, but as my nails grew out and they got longer and longer… I realized that the underside of those things is like a bomb shelter for bacteria.
I ate barbecue one night and couldn’t get the sauce out from between the nail tip and my real nail, changing numerous diapers (on a baby who’s teething and has the same cold as I do) I cringed thinking of the germs I couldn’t see. Now that I’m typing without them again, it’s like a whole new world of ease and convenience.
When I woke up this morning, I felt slightly better about things. I’ve been down in the dumps lately. Clinical depression would be a better term, but I think it’s developed quite a bit since my “moderate” diagnosis over ten years ago.
Anyway, I tried to actually work out around lunchtime today. I did make it most of the way through my old belly dance workout DVD before I started cheating on the steps a little and eventually took water breaks while the attractive east-Indian twins on the screen did the cardio exercises. I do still have a baby to take care of, and having my limbs feel like jell-o doesn’t exactly make life easier. I thought I’d feel much better afterward, but I still didn’t accomplish the baking or the dishes I had planned for today.
Then my husband called and reminded me that it was Wednesday (for some reason I thought it was Thursday). It seemed like moments after I hung up the phone I just got sapped. Thursday nights we have a D&D game at our house and friends come over. It’s something I do look forward to, despite having to make my living room look halfway decent. I guess I put off all the cleaning at that point, since it wasn’t until tomorrow that anyone would be coming over.
Once he got off work, he stopped at home long enough to change clothes, feed the baby one bottle, and ask if the dog needed to go out. He, of course, did not take the dog out and then left without dinner to go play video games at a friend’s house.
I’m really tired of arguing about the same things we always do, so I guess I’m at an impasse. Lately, I’ve just been losing energy like a balloon with no knot. One minute I’m prepared to get things done and planning out my day in my head -the next I’m playing catatonic on the living room furniture and I don’t even have the strength to pursue my own feelings of anger and frustration.
I’d really like to see a professional sometime. Maybe when those publisher’s clearinghouse people show up with my big check.