Early A.M. Blues

Why are men so clueless?

It’s effing five in the morning and I’m too pissed off to sleep. My husband just crawled into bed at around four, after galavanting around with his friends who smoke. He stinks like cigarettes, he’s emanating cold, and just moments after I wake up to this I hear the baby crying.

So I get up, feed him a four ounce bottle and try to climb back into bed, but I’m just so angry I can’t stop twitching. I spent the whole late afternoon/evening blatantly attempting to seduce him. He won’t keep his hands off me during the day, when at least one kid is always awake and I’m not comfortable being sexual. Finally, it’s a Saturday night and I tell him all the things I want to do -am willing to do- and his response is to completely ignore it.

After thinking about it all afternoon, grooming myself for sex most of the night, and crawling into bed with candles lit and wearing nothing but his oversized (on me) football jersey and pigtails -I worked myself into a frenzy and then fell asleep. Now I’m nothing but nauseous and pissed off. Meanwhile, he’s snoozing soundly in our bed.

It’s not like I wanted him to stay home and screw me. He could have at least come home when the goddamn bar closed down. Hell, he could even have answered his phone when I tried to call and find out when he was thinking about coming home.

Whatever. Guess I’ll play video games until the kids get up.


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