There’s a kickass thunderstorm going on outside, and usually that puts me in an unstompable mood. Not tonight.
It’s just been really hitting home that lately there’s a shifting of social plates that’s going on and it’s really beginning to wear on my nerves. It’s cool in some ways -people I had actively disliked or avoided seeing are becoming sort of neutral. I’m finding that if someone who’s wronged me socially or who I just plain didn’t care for years ago makes an effort to meet me halfway -we can sort of get along in a casual sort of way.
But at the same time, I’m watching people just change their colors so fast I can’t tell if it’s a revelation of their true feelings or some kind of twisted “forces are aligning against you” kind of phenomenon.
I do know that I absolutely cannot stand petty squabbles ending lengthy friendships. When my husband and I got together again and it finally stuck, I knew I’d have to maneuver myself into his social network and that would be no small task. Granted -I’m not hideously deformed or difficult to like (I don’t think) but my initial survey of his friend-group was that most of them were shallow and self absorbed.
I was wrong. Only some of them were shallow and self absorbed, and it seems that they’re making themselves known recently. I Remember when I made the discovery that most of the people I was hanging out with at a given time wouldn’t piss in my mouth of my gums were on fire (seriously, I didn’t make up that metaphor) and it makes me sad even to remember the feeling. So now certain members of the social group we were a part of are pretty much ignoring us altogether. I feel the worst for Michael, because one of these people was someone he considered his “best” friend.
I sure would like to know what terrible slight we commited, or what kind of horrible situation is causing this rift between otherwise friendly guys. It’s ridiculous.
To make matters worse, I’m now paranoid that everytime someone fails to return my calls or communications that battle lines are being drawn and sides are being chosen. I’m almost 100% certain that I’m just being paranoid in this… but it still sucks to have to wonder.
But isn’t it safer to assume that people aren’t being sincere with you and avoid being hurt by their eventual exposure? Bah. Fuck it. Why can’t folks just simplify their lives and mine by having the balls to be flat-out honest about their feelings?