Is Mercury Retrograde?

There’s a kickass thunderstorm going on outside, and usually that puts me in an unstompable mood. Not tonight.

It’s just been really hitting home that lately there’s a shifting of social plates that’s going on and it’s really beginning to wear on my nerves.  It’s cool in some ways -people I had actively disliked or avoided seeing are becoming sort of neutral. I’m finding that if someone who’s wronged me socially or who I just plain didn’t care for years ago makes an effort to meet me halfway -we can sort of get along in a casual sort of way.

But at the same time, I’m watching people just change their colors so fast I can’t tell if it’s a revelation of their true feelings or some kind of twisted “forces are aligning against you” kind of phenomenon.

I do know that I absolutely cannot stand petty squabbles ending lengthy friendships. When my husband and I got together again and it finally stuck, I knew I’d have to maneuver myself into his social network and that would be no small task.  Granted -I’m not hideously deformed or difficult to like (I don’t think) but my initial survey of his friend-group was that most of them were shallow and self absorbed.

I was wrong. Only some of them were shallow and self absorbed, and it seems that they’re making themselves known recently. I Remember when I made the discovery that most of the people I was hanging out with at a given time wouldn’t piss in my mouth of my gums were on fire (seriously, I didn’t make up that metaphor) and it makes me sad even to remember the feeling. So now certain members of the social group we were a part of are pretty much ignoring us altogether. I feel the worst for Michael, because one of these people was someone he considered his “best” friend.

I sure would like to know what terrible slight we commited, or what kind of horrible situation is causing this rift between otherwise friendly guys. It’s ridiculous.

To make matters worse, I’m now paranoid that everytime someone fails to return my calls or communications that battle lines are being drawn and sides are being chosen. I’m almost 100% certain that I’m just being paranoid in this… but it still sucks to have to wonder.

But isn’t it safer to assume that people aren’t being sincere with you and avoid being hurt by their eventual exposure? Bah. Fuck it. Why can’t folks just simplify their lives and mine by having the balls to be flat-out honest about their feelings?

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9 thoughts on “Is Mercury Retrograde?

  1. I know what you mean about the paranoia. If I don’t hear back from someone, I begin to wonder what I did or said to upset them and if nothing comes to mind, I start wondering about other reasons they haven’t contacted me.
    However, if it makes you feel any better at all, I like you.

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    1. Come home to me!
      So I’ve been trying my damnest not to get all excited, but are you still planning on coming to Chi-town in October? Because I would be happier than a pig in shit! (another lovely metaphor)
      Actually anywhere in the midwestern area would kick lots of ass! Hell, even Minnesota!
      Just SOMEWHERE I can get to without spending 5 or 6 hundred dollars…

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  2. i think a little bit of paranoia is normal for everyone.
    I’m the queen of losing touch with people I like. I think I have this weird defense shield that goes up when I’m either let down by someone or haven’t heard from them in a while. It’s like I’m afraid to ask them what happened because I don’t wanna hear about how repulsive they find me. It’s really stunted my ability to make and keep new friends.
    And for the record, just like everyone who’s commented before me, I think you rock. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  3. You know it’s strange that you would write about that while at the same time you are doing the same thing to me. You have yet to respond to my messages, so what are you saying, should I be paranoid? Are you secretly loathing me? If I shouldn’t be paranoid, perhaps you shouldn’t be either.

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    1. Hey!
      I know I’ve been terrible about communicating with you, specifically, and I’m sorry.
      I *did* send you a MySpace message asking what day you wanted to get together (because I STILL haven’t made any appointments in DeKalb and semester is dangerously close) but I have a feeling you don’t check MySpace messages.
      Oh, and Sunday when you called I think my phone was out in the van. Next week -just name a day and I’ll drive myself, Bastian, Charlie, and whoever else you’d like me to transport out to DeKalb… Or we could come get you!

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  4. It hurts when people you thought might be friends, leave your life suddenly over something petty. I’ve been there before, and I know the feeling very well. But at the same time, and I’m sure you’ve heard this many times before, it’s better that you weed out the bad friends now than later. It’s hard to know who you’re real friends are until a big fight. That’s usually how I found out. The wrong ones will leave you and never say a word about it. The right friends will tell you exactly how they feel, what pissed them off, and later laugh about it with you.
    As generic as this sounds, time will only tell who your true friends are. But you already know that because you’re a smart girl and have figured that out already, you’re just hurt right now. I think you also know how Joe and I feel about you and Mike, and your wee little ones.

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  5. speaking only for myself, i think you rock. as apparently a few others do.
    i can relate to those feelings of paranoia but i learned long ago only time tells who your real friends are
    love the piss-in-your-mouth reference. i’m stealing it.
    and you’re most DEFINITELY not hideously deformed. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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