I can’t believe how quickly this summer is wrapping up.it’s a little frightening, honestly. Sort of like the world these days. Last night I finally slept well, and it feels GREAT! This morning we had some kind of alarm clock malfunction, which woke me up pretty much instantly.
I’m also broke and jobless. There’s about one month until school starts up and in that time I need to find a job that’ll give me ten hours a week, verify Bastian’s enrollment (because the school hasn’t sent me anything) and find childcare for the rest of the day after preschool. I also have to apply for Childcare Solutions to afford that care.
When the semester rolls around (August 28) I will also (hopefully) have acquired an internship. The Childcare solutions program requires that if I’m enrolled in school full time I must work ten hours a week, on average, and show evidence of such. I may have to work more hours during the week to qualify for childcare for the internship. SO let’s see… come fall I’ll be:
Working at least ten hours a week.
Working at least two or three days a week (for FREE) at an internship.
Attending classes in DeKalb on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.
Dropping off and picking up Bastian from daycare.
Trying to keep the house from getting any messier than it already is.
Trying to find enough time to persue my spiritual studies and feel better about life.
Hope my classes don’t have too much reading. Oh wait. One of them is a language class I don’t feel prepared to handle.
Being underneath all that impending responsibility and time crunching, I kinda feel like crying. Sometimes I wish I could just stay at home and raise our son. Help him to be a good person. But the summers are nice. Sometimes I feel so frazzled because of life, that the time we do spend together is strained and spent arguing or trying to strong-arm Sebastian into doing what I want. Then I feel like a bad mommy.
It’s funny because when people used to act all impressed that I was a single mother going through school, I’d wonder what the fuss was about. That was at Rockford College, when I was majoring in English and every class was a discussion of something I enjoyed reading and every test was an essay. So easy! Now I’ve transferred (headache) and I’m getting close to the end-game (still need to see the LA&S counselors about planning this out) and I’m commuting ($3.19 for mid grade? yippee!) and it’s like the world is on my shoulders just thinking about fall -and I can’t afford to get all mopey about it because there’s NO TIME!
Sometimes I think about getting a full time job, taking one class at a time, and finishing my schooling a few MORE years after originally planned. That would suck. I want to graduate so bad… but can we afford to wait? Can I pass intermediate Latin 1&2? Are my requirements going to be met by then?
This is me wanting to scream. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
That almost felt better. Almost. Now I have to go read a chapter of my Media Law text and prepare for the mock trial we’re going to have next month. I think my partner is concerned about my performance because he is the guy who quotes specific sections of specific articles of amendments to the constitution when responding to the professor. ::eyeroll::
I just wish my life could be simple sometimes.