Confusion is nothing new

I gotta say it was a good day. I didn’t even have to use my AK.

I went to school, after having studied briefly for the proctored Environmental Biology exam. The questions were pretty easy -excepting a few of course- and I think I did well.

My 2 o’clock class was canceled, so I began my phone errands afterwards. I got a lot done, and I think I’ve got a new job at Target! Pending my drug test results and criminal background check -I’ll be a sales floor/cashier person. YAY!

Next I went and got nailed, waxed, and plucked. What I mean to say is, got acrylic nails (so I’m a hussy now) and had my eyebrows “shaped”. Now I can be a pretty pretty princess at the wedding.

Funniest thing, though… I took Bastian to Rockford to get his Tux fitted and suddenly everything just spiraled. He was not cooperating with the clothes and I got frustrated. Then Matt and Shawn and Andy and Rob are there also with the Tux fittings. I guess it was all me -but I felt rather sad. Andy didn’t say goodbye when he left -again. I guess we were never that close, but this odd wall between us hurts somehow worst of all. Maybe because we never had a chance to be friends. Perhaps it’s because I’m pretty sure Kammi and Matt will always welcome me back eventually, while he keeps coming almost to the point of accepting me, and then dashes my hopes with insincerity or indifference. Hell it’s been a year (on Nov. 22) since he almost gave me a chance to connect. Time to move on I guess.

Kammi and Holly were busy picking up and entertaining out-of-town relatives, so I can’t hold it against them that they didn’t want me burdening them as well. I guess I just feel really isolated from the whole group and there are a handful of people included in that group who I really don’t want to let go of. I guess if they can let go, so can I. We’re all adults now, and we have busy lives. It’s Kammi and Matt’s wedding this weekend, and so help me GOD I will not allow my stupid doldrums to affect their happiness.

Hell, I’m always the one who spouts off about how people grow apart and change, and how if a bridge is already burning you should just let it wash away. Here I am getting all choked up because I feel like my bridges have just dissapeared without my consent. Poo.

Here comes the weekend and my brush with depression grows grimmer.

2 thoughts on “Confusion is nothing new

  1. Cheer up buckaroo. Think of how frustrated you were a year ago compared to today. You got your own place, good friends, a beautiful little boy, and your young, healthy and the rockingest FBG in all of corn town.
    From one FBG to another


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