The Darkness

My 2 year old son, Sebastian, LOVES The Darkness.

I just put in the CD and he’s dancing around the living room like a wild thing -arms spread wide, hopping, jumping, yelling, attempting the splits, pounding on the patio glass doors. It’s amazing.

SO I’m thinking about why the same sexual patterns keep emerging in my “love” life. If you can call it a love life. Apparently, from what I’ve been told, I don’t have the ‘easy’ vibe. Perhaps this mysterious other vibe that I do have is called the “I’m not easy, so you must take me down just to say you did it” vibe. Maybe this is why I get involved in these psuedo relationships which involve sex and various levels of affection which confuse me, and usually end with a tapering off of either one or both parties’ interest in the whole thing.

What really burns me is when it’s the other person’s interest that tapers. I keep getting the distinct feeling that the other person has done what he came to do and is now moving on to the next. Am I delusional? I don’t know.

I’ve been told by a friend that if you have to wonder whether your partner is sleeping with other people, they probably are. But another friend tells me that just screwing without the relationship should not require you to keep the sex exclusive to that person. That would, essentially, BE a relationship.

So I guess I’m focusing my energy elsewhere and hoping to GOD that I find someone genuine soon. Hopefully before I lose all faith in my own ability to have a normal relationship. People tell me I focus too much on this issue. Most of those people are in committed relationships. I’d like a person who’s in my boat (Healthy relationship = The Holy Grail, as yet undiscovered) to tell me that I don’t have to find someone.

The Christian Fanatic at work told me last night that I need to find the next guy, marry him, and let him raise Sebastian with me. It sounds so easy when you put it that way, doesn’t it? Kind of like “Kill them, kill them all” sounds so easy when you just spit it out without thinking.

Oh well. It’s rainy and crappy out and I need to do ALL the laundry and clean this shithole apartment. =)


4 thoughts on “The Darkness

      1. No, but I have the strong feeling that I am supposed to ask you more about this. Can you tell me more or guide me to a website?
        See you soon!!! You are so coming over for dinner with Sebastion when you get here in August!!!


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