Darling, it seems that you belong in Gone with the
Wind; the proper place for a romantic. You
belong in a tumultous world of changes and
opportunities, where your independence paves
the road for your survival. It is trying being
both a cynic and a dreamer, no?
Bullshit, I was hoping to get Oscar Wilde. Oh well, frankly scarlet -I’ve never seen that movie OR read the book. ha!
So I finally removed the situation that’s been causing me so much woe lately. I guess I feel better emotionally. I just know that I’m going to be longing for that physical release and it’s going to be hard as hell to avoid flirting. We’ll only have to work together for a few more Thursdays, since I gave my notice that I’m leaving. August 1st, Sunday morning, will be my last shift. Finally, I’m almost out of Rockford.
Grrr. Why am I so addicted to sex?
On a better note, I’ve decided that I need to take a chance and do something completely unlike anything I’ve done before if I want to find a man who’s right for me. Chances are scary, though. I’ve made contact via the internet with someone who’s willing to take me out on a real date. I’ve never met a person through online means before, it’s always kind of made me nervous. Hell, it can’t be any worse than some of the psychos I’ve dated in the last five years.
Still feeling a bit meloncholy over the loss of social comfort with Andy. I don’t think about him nearly as much as I used to. Hell, I don’t even know what TO think. I used to imagine how nice it would be to actually sit down and talk with him one-on-one as adults. Maybe over dinner or coffee. I suppose that memories and fantasies come together somewhere in the mind. This one remains a little bit of both. Still gives me an unidentified twinge that doesn’t seem to be going away. It would certainly be made easier for me if we could just be friendly. If he’d even just tease me once, like he used to, I think I’d feel like it was okay to be around when he is. I guess I’m the once who got ostrasized from the family afterall. I kind thought that would only happen if we did move forward.
I guess sometimes you just can’t get out of the way fast enough.