Advice from the masses…

Okay, I need advice of a somewhat personal nature. Fellow LJers, come to my aid! Please! (or non-LJ readers -you too can respond, you know)

I really feel like one of my friend groups has abandoned me. Yes, I know the phone works both ways and I could call them to see what’s up -but I feel somewhat alienated.

The last person I spoke to from this circle of friends cancelled on a house-cleaning date we had: she was going to buy a wedding dress with another friend. We decided to do something another time. I could have sworn that she was supposed to call me the next weekend, but she didn’t.

I have absolutely no communication with any of them (no email, no voice mails, no attempts at contact) since that weekend. Incidentally, that was the weekend immediately following a minor conflict I had with a relative of said group, and that group’s decision to include someone who I’ve had very serious conflicts with in the past (I’ve heard she’s not quite over it either). If it were not for the presence of this person, I probably would have payed them a visit by now.(http://www.livejournal.com/users/ariesfire79/22719.html -to review this situation.)

—SO that’s my dilemma. Am I in the wrong here for assuming they’re intentionally leaving me out? I feel as if they are angry with me for some reason, or think I’ve done something wrong.

I guess I’m sometimes a little insecure about how much people value my friendship. At the same time, I don’t want to lose all these people who I’ve grown to care about over the years just because I don’t want to call and feel rejected. Then again, if they aren’t going to call me either -do they really want me as a friend?

Damn it. I’m feeling really neurotic right about now, but the person in the group who I’d consider myself to be the closest to has just ignored my instant messaging her.

What should I do????????

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5 thoughts on “Advice from the masses…

  1. Alright babe. lets try and lat it out on the table.
    I see a couple of angles.
    #1. Maybe they aren’t ignoring you. I mean, come on. Sometimes you can spend weeks apart and then call again. I never understood the “She or He isn’t calling me anymore” Maybe its time to spend some time apart from this group. You might find that you are free from their group aura and you will find what you really like about them, and what you really dis-like about them. People have lives. People get busy. Deal with it. Stop freaking out about a phone call. If you wanna be all strange, and WAIT for them to call you to PROVE something, then go ahead and wait and fret. Otherwise, go on with your life and do other things. LIKE STUDY! CLEAN YOUR HOUSE! PLAY BAULDURS GATE!
    #2. The supected strain of an ENEMY! Maybe they are ignoring you on purpose. Maybe they are doing you a favor. They know you and ENEMY are like two cats in a box. So instead of TRYING to include you, they have just been having a change of pace and excluding you to save you from added stress and discomfort.
    I can totally understand your thoughts of betrayal. But if they are your true friends, they won’t listen to word of what ENEMY says. OR if they do, you would expect them to ask you about it. Ya know? I have always thought that THAT specific group was rather spineless from the conversations we have had. They wouldn’t tell you they hated you even if you crapped on their bed. They would laugh it off, and then talk shit about you behind their back. BUT since I haven’t actually hung out with them in more than 5 years… I couldn’t say that I know them now. People change.
    #3. Maybe you should stop doing this, I call you, you call me thing. People like that should be SHOT.
    I call people at need. If I don’t have anything to say to you, I don’t call. If I have an urge to call, I call. But I never hold it against someone if they never call.
    YOU HARDLY EVER CALL ME! EVER! Sebastion has picked up the phone to dial my number more times than you! But I never hold that against you. You have a life, that isn’t revolving around me. So why would I expect you to call me all the time.
    I think you worry about this situation to much. I also think that your social life is really strained, because you have few friends and most of them aren’t a very good support base for you.
    I think you are VERY bored, and you miss your freedom. And when you are around people with more freedom, you get a tad bit jealous. Maybe you are smothering your friends, (which you said in an earlier post)
    This is all speculation. I am not with you enough to know what the real situation is. I am only guessing from the conversations we’ve had, and the posts I read.
    I don’t know if this has helped. I only hope that maybe I have given a different perspective on the situation.
    Be at peace Mary, Dekalb is comming.
    _Oberon_

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    1. Yeah, I guess
      That’s pretty much what I was looking for.
      I mean, I’m not really sure how they feel about me ever -but when they don’t call me for a long time, I start to wonder if there’s a reason.
      The reason why I’m uncomfortable with this distance is because we usually only see each other on Sundays, and now even that occasion has been eliminated.
      Also, it’s true that I don’t have many friends -but for a long time they were the most stable base of support/friendship out of the few.
      I guess it’s a mixture of jealousy and insecurity. Yes, I feel a little jealous that they’ll hang out with Abbey and not me. I suppose it’s a judgement call for me to say she’s a bad person, and has done wrong by them as well as me. Still -if they want a break from seeing me once every week or two -so be it.
      So -I got fired today. I didn’t really want that job anymore, anyway. Funny, I was thinking about applying for another one last week but didn’t -because I didn’t want to leave my employer without help.
      So now I have to find something quick -to maintain my eligibility for daycare and because I’m too broke already.

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    2. OH -and I would call you a lot more if you lived across town instead of 200 miles away.
      I really enjoy talking to you online, though. I think LiveJournal has breathed new life into our friendship. It makes communication so much easier. I feel closer to you than some people in town here.
      I’ve been meaning to call you this week anyway…

      Like

      1. First of all.. don’t worry about calling me so much. I know you will get a hold of me one way or another. Besides, of all the time I have gotten to know you, I have discovered 3 things about you that are flawless.
        1. Your memory leakage.
        2. You have the worst luck of ANYONE I know.
        3. Your lack of punctuality.
        I love you. Don’t take these the wrong way. I know these about you, I love you how you are, and I love these traits about you. I have just learned to work around them. Like for example. If there is something important I want you to remeber. I hound you to REMIND YOU. I call, I email, I call, I email. Your punctuality, is something I have specifically addressed. If I really want you to be somewhere at a specific time. I usually tell you to be there 3 hours ahead of time. Its a good safe number.
        And bad luck. I havn’t devised a way to by-pass this. I think its just “Acts of God” testing you for the future, when your rich and famous, and QUEEN!
        hee hee
        As for calling me because I’m 200 miles away. First of all.. its 80 miles, and 2nd of all. Most cell phones have free long distance.
        And last of all. Yes, Livejournal has allowed us a better friendship, because we can post comments on each others lives, and keep up with current information at our lesiure.
        And LAST of last of all. I love you. I think you are a beautiful person, and I wish you love and luck!
        What ya need to chat with me about? Whatcha doing this weekend?

        Like

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