Color me amazed…

Well I’m surprised. I’m also feeling a bit sheepish.

I did all that wonderful ranting, and do you know what happened? Andy called me on it. I suppose that shoe leather could be an acquired taste…

So now I’m wondering if I was all wrong, or just part wrong. I know I was hypersensitive because of other situations in my life, and I suppose I could be the anathema to feminism and cite PMS as an excuse. Still, there was definitely an uncomfortable vibe between us Sunday night.

I guess it’s possible that he was just “down” that night. Lord knows I’ve been having nights (and days) like that myself. I guess I’ll have to engage myself in one of those conversations with him (you know, the ones I swore off in my last post) and try to get to the bottom of this.

In the meantime, I feel like a bitch now for having lashed out in anger before talking to him. I didn’t discuss this with him, however, for two reasons: it’s difficult to get him to be serious with other people around, and I usually don’t want to call him because I’m afraid he might be sincere when he tells me how annoying I am. I got mad and posted on it here, because this is my sounding board and I had assumed he’d never bother to read my livejournal.

I find it really hard to understand and deal with the hot/cold treatment. Any advice on how to repair what I may have trampled all over?


5 thoughts on “Color me amazed…

  1. Ugg… Mary…. If you have already had this many problems with him before…and still… how do you think anything will work in the future. i understand that sometimes people are bit bumpy in the begining… but… I have heard enough CONSTANT frustrations that it makes me wonder. IS THIS REALLY WORTH IT?
    I’m serious mary. If you have this many problems figureing someone out… like ANDY… then maybe you really should just drop it. Seriously! It sounds Hot and cold, hot and cold. What kind of friendship/relationship is that? You don’t need that in your life right now.
    Don’t bother repairing. I mean, Yeah sure, you could be friends, But obviously from Mr. X situation, you have a hard time being “Just Friends”
    Whats the worth to you? Weight it out!


    1. UGH.
      Yes, I know…
      You are my friend and confidant, you have been privy to all my bitching.
      I just want us to get along. I’m really tired of the drama. I think we’d make great friends, but I just have trouble trusting an “on-stage personality”. So either way, the two of us need to get along or get away from one another.
      I’m not trying to “pursue” him or anything. Don’t get your fairy leaves in a bunch.
      I just want us to be comfortable when we’re in the same room. Hanging out, maybe having real conversations more often would be nice, but I just need a little consistency. Do I sound too confused? I feel confused.


    2. Oh yeah, and by the way….
      What the hell is that supposed to mean? I don’t have a hard time being “just friends”!
      There hasn’t been much “hot” between us, but the exchanges we have do tend to be either really good or bad. Either way, proximity is an issue here. I can’t just “write him off” unless I really don’t think it’s possible for us to hang out. I still think there’s hope.


      1. Re: Oh yeah, and by the way….
        haa haa… don’t get your Bulldyke undies in a bundle…. the remark was more geared towards Mr. X and you’s relationship. I guess I actually didn’t use the right situations the more i think about it. I guess what i more ment, is that you will THINK like your going to try and just be one way with someone…. like friends, or fuckbuddies, having no emotional attachment or attaction….
        but in the end… your feelings take over the sitation… and then you get your feelings hurt.
        I guess thats what I meant. No anger…
        but don’t get all defensive…. sheesh.
        p.s. I put some new stuff on the story blog.


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